just wondering...

Here's to a great 2007!

2007-12-31T15:25:00.000+08:00

I SURVIVED MY RUN! A grand total of 1 hour and 11 minutes. :D Bwahaha! Now my body hurts but my gosh the feeling of triumph! It's absolutely exhilirating. :D In fact, I think I should do it at least once a week. It's an excellent way to clear my head. And the crowd's great. Okay, they're not really a "crowd", but you come across other runners, walkers and bikers and it's a great motivational thing to run with them. So there, pat on the back for me! :D Totally a great way to end the year.

I was sitting in my room today, watching tv, and my eyes came across the loot bag Tito Mike gave me during one of our dinners. Yes, at my age I still get loot bags. And until now I'm still regarded as part of "the kids". I'm 21, and I really don't mind getting those things, but it just makes me wonder... when am I going to stop getting loot bags? And I mean that figuratively.

I mean, I don't see the lolas giving my mom money and I know that at some point they did do it and at some point they stopped. So when will mine stop? When am I going to be recognized as an adult in the family? Don't get me wrong, I'm not being bitter or anything. I'm actually thankful that I still receive money from the family. Just makes me wonder, you know?

On something less serious/reflective: I was searching my cabinet for something to wear to the Hitachi interview. It says in the invite that I have to be in a "business suit"--hence I am required to wear a blazer. I don't think anything but a black ensemble will be formal enough to wear, but when I wore my black pencil skirt and black blazer... EEEK. I looked like crud. So I fitted another blazer, and I think that was a winner. I just looked like a suman wearing it. Darnit. This just reiterates how much I need to lose weight. Okay lang yan, Diet for another 10 days. I'm sure I'll make it... oh... 10 days? Fitrum is starting to sound good. :) Teehee.

I made a livejournal account in the middle of this month... and I really didn't know when to part with my blog. I have so many hang-ups with this blog, to tell you quite frankly hence I think it's about time I move on to another site. I was contemplating when exactly I should do it. And I've decided that this will be my last post here. O diba? Tamang-tama, new year, new blog (er, livejournal I should say.)

So thank you blogspot for hosting my thoughts for the past few years. It's been great. :)

Hello, LiveJournal. :)

2007 has been an excellent year. I think my resume's gotten a good whipping what with all the things I did this year (naks!) I lost love, but most importantly I've found love. And I think this one is a keeper. I think despite all the pain and happiness this year has brought me (all the travels and experience to boot), I must say this has got to be one of the best years ever because of Dino. Seriously. If there's anything I'm proud of, it's got to be him. So there. Here's to happy, giddy me who is so in love with a funny boy from Caloocan. :)

Grade 2 daw kami, sabi ni Dino. Maybe next year Grade 3 na. :)

RUNNING SUICIDE

2007-12-30T22:03:00.000+08:00

Ok. So I didn't run today. Hehe, I did the total opposite.

But tomorrow morning (at totoo na ito) i will try a new route. After mass we drove through it so I could estimate how long it was. According to the kilometer counter thingy in the car, it's around twice what I normally run. Haha so basically I'm committing suicide tomorrow. Normally you'd go through it gradually. But then I decided that if I can't run the whole way and my body can no longer take it, I can always sit on the sidewalk or simply just walk. :) no biggy. Hahaha! It's going to be fun I bet. :) And I have my new "french spring time" playlist in my ipod so I'm good to go.

I honestly have no idea why I want to do this. But as Jim says, "It's a test of character." Yeah, I'll see how far I can push my bodily limits. :)

Running is love. ;)

(And besides, it's a really awesome way to end the year!)

This does it.

2007-12-29T21:54:00.000+08:00

Tito says I'm not fat, I'm "DELIGHTFULLY PLUMP". Since when did being "plump" ever be delightful? That's the last straw. I'm declaring a war on food. Starvation camp, here I come!

I'm going to run tomorrow morning. I'm going to run tomorrow morning.

Breathe in, breathe out.

On a lighter note, I finally got to watch our JPES round, along with the rest of the clan. Hahaha! (side note: I miss my long hair.) So many people texted me that they were watching. What was amusing was that they never really commented on the debate, but on the fact na magkatabi kami ni Dino. Hahaha! Kinilig naman ako.

Winner line from Ms. Macy: "isa pa naman kayo sa favorite couple ko." yun yun e! hahaha

2007-12-28T16:47:00.000+08:00

I love this picture. It's a great friend picture.

Can't wait til Dino comes home. 'nuff said.

Chose to run early this morning because Anil tells me that running at night is bad for the heart. Huwell, as far as I know my blood pumper is important so I don't want to risk it. I guess Anil was also right when he told me you burn far more calories in the morning than you do at night. It took me forever to stop sweating... which is a good thing I guess. :) Will run again tomorrow. :)

Going to the LYC party tonight. That's definitely going to be an experience. Hahaha! Good luck to me! :D

NO RESERVATIONS

2007-12-27T22:00:00.000+08:00

This movie reaffirmed why Catherine Zeta-Jones is my favorite actress.

Her love interest wasn't the hottest guy, but my oh my I'd like to nominate her snog with the guy for one of the sweetest on-screen kisses ever. :) And I tell you, rarely ako kinikilig sa mga kisses on screen. :)

In fairness, it was a kilig movie. Sobrang babaw ng away nila (and they made up right away), but the kilig moments were really kilig for me. :)

Haay... this movie is going on my favorites list not because it has the most amazing plot (hallurh, "raising hellen" de ja vu) but because i got kilig watching it. hahaha

as anil said, i am a cupcake.

AND I MISS DINO. :( I hope he's safe and having fun in Thailand. Greetings to the king! :D hehehe I bet if Dino does one of his mind games for the king, he'd get hired as a jester. hahaha may ganun ba sa Thailand? :)

The Great Debaters

2007-12-25T11:46:00.001+08:00

My must watch movie for 2008. :)

Today was a NICOLE day! :D

2007-12-23T21:51:00.000+08:00

Well, yesterday pa actually was NICOLE day.

I got my lens hood yesterday and i went out for a much needed jog... and I got a much needed conversation with Dino. Those are probably the 3 things that can keep me sane: taking photos, running and Dino. :)

So today! today was a Nicole day! Started with my usual cup of java from starbucks (planner is going to Dino's sister... we decided that last night.) Took time to sit down and read one of the millions of books i have lined up for christmas reading. :) Went home for lunch, watched Stepmom (one of my favorite movies of all time), then I went to the mall...alone. :) Got a much needed manicure (wahoo, dark red nails! how scandalous--it's a pokpok color you see), then went to the spa. I super missed the sauna! hay, sarap pawisan and walk around naked without people staring at you maliciously. la di da! Got a sea salt body scrub (feel my skin! it's really smooooooth... bwahahaha) then I got a really great massage..... haaay. :) Then I ate subway!!! Waaah, i missed subway. :) felt bad walang parmessan oregano bread and chocolate chip cookies though. :(

Haaay, what an uber great day. I think that manghuhula was right! I needed time for myself. Or... I shouldn't forget to have time for myself coz it's uber fun! But I still miss Dino. :( Got him a really cool Christmas gift which was inexpensive---tap on the back for me! hahaha, that rarely happens.

Anyway, was in a reflective mood this morning and I was thinking about the past term. This is my biggest "aha!" moment for the day: My getting low grades in law this term is probably God's way of reminding me that I have to WORK HARD for the things I really want. Feeling ko if he didn't give me those grades, I wouldn't have worked as hard for my acads next term (and to think I want to graduate with latin honors) and lalo na for elections (which I'm super lagging sa preparation). Kasi naman, everything was handed to me on a silver platter this term. From NSYL, APLYC8, JPES, Hitachi, AYLC. Well, yeah I had to work din naman for those things, pero parang toward the end of the term kasi I just got the good bits of it (i.e. getting that proudly lasallian poster, getting in AYLC and Hitachi) so feeling ko lumalaki na ulo ko. And I needed a piece of humble pie. And God had to remind me that I can't just get awards/recognition/a sense of fulfillment if I don't work first for it. Ayun lang. I'm blessed. But God sure as heck won't let me go through it easy. :) Tama rin lang, para I give value to the things I do.

So uunahan ko na yung new year's resolution post ko and i'll put something na: study hard. Acads mode and elections mode next term! Tama muna Dino. JOKE LANG! :D Of course I'll give time for him. Love ko yun e. :)

Speaking of Dino, i'm not being my usual tamporurot self coz I want it to be HIS time first. I don't want to be a sagabal girlfriend lalo na when it's a really important time for him. So yeah, I won't expect time muna from him til he gets back, but I just super kaduper miss him! :( I'm dino deprived! But I love him. So if he can't give me time right now, I'll try my hardest to understand. I know this is an important time for him. :)

tumbling

2007-12-09T12:31:00.000+08:00

APLYC8 was a really great experience! :D

Will blog about it in detail when i get back to manila so i can post pictures as well.

Made so many new friends.. :)

I'm currently typing this post at a hostel somewhere in singapore. It's really cute! there's free internet and there are so many services. may parang pantry pa dito. ang cool talaga! plus the people here are like studying and stuff. gosh if this were a dormitory type place that was cheaper i'd live here. :) soooo nice talaga. kudos to ivy for the recommendation!

Anyhoo.. this is the aftermath of my birthday. I've never been one to really celebrate my birthday. I just get a lot of messages, but that's about it. I still got messages this year but I guess this birthday was particularly special coz I had Dino this year. (You're the sweetest, ga!) He asked all his friends to send me text messages to greet me and tell me he loved me. HOW SWEET IS THAT! sabi nga ni abes, konti lang ang lahi niya. talaga lang! :) I'm so blessed to have him and to be loved by him. I just wish he knew how much I appreciate him and love him. :) Plus Jenn made me a multiply site so everyone can greet me... awww. :) Thanks guys, I've never felt so special on my birthday!

I can't wait to go home. I'll be winded by exams and final requirements, but after that I think I'll do ok! I hope the Baguio trip is pushing through. That would be a great way to start simbang gabi and to end the year. :)

Lovelove to everyone! Especially Dino!

halloo from Singapore!

2007-12-03T19:10:00.000+08:00

"We like to portray Sister Louise in school plays like she was this sweet sexy thing when in fact she was a 68-year sister who herded sheep and often smelled like them...so Sister Louise is really a 68-year old sister with... the "smell of sanctity"." - Bro. Michael Broughton, APLYC8 in Singapore

I now love Dragon boating. My muscles were suddenly awakened today. hahaha!

Super big blooper: PNG is Papua New Guinea here pala, not Procter and Gamble. Hahaha!

I sooo feel like I'm in a convent. I miss clean bathrooms.

[Currently missing Dino like hell.]

p.s. Can't wait til sina Robert get here! :D

2007-12-02T08:47:00.000+08:00

I officially have a renewed appreciation for filipino folk dances.

Here's to our rendition of tinikling and pandanggo sa ilaw in singapore! Hahaha!

I'm compelled to be a tahd more nationalistic for the next 10 days. :)

Lovelove!

I love you kahit jologs :)

2007-12-01T07:43:00.000+08:00

I'm done with 2 out of 9 pa lang sa things to do ko! :( Boo...

I didn't think I'd be this busy!

Hahaha, Dino and I had such a jologs date. Pumunta na nga kami MOA (with the rest of the nation), kumain pa kami sa foodcourt, tumambay pa kami dun sa tabi ng bay (dahil gusto ni Dino makita ang fountain) at nanood pa kami ng "One More Chance". PANALO!

At least naman we watched something in CCP... yun nga lang, libre! hahaha! Congrats Boo! :D

And I'm getting separation anxiety again. Putek.

Quote of the day: "I love you! I love you for her!" - Gabriella Galvez (a.k.a. Gabriella Galang)

KAWAWA NAMAN SI AKON.

2007-11-29T19:54:00.000+08:00

1. Umuulan na nga
2. May coup de etat pa
3. Tapos may curfew pa.

Sana Piolo will have better luck.

On a more serious note, this feels like martial law deja vu. I sooo wish everyone will stay safe tonight. These are hard times. :(

Currently feeling worried and depressed. Hopefully tomorrow will be brighter on all counts.

The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

2007-11-28T01:05:00.001+08:00

And oh oh oh! I have a new favorite song for November:

The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson (thanks to Boo for the song!)

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

punch drunk love

2007-11-28T00:50:00.000+08:00

It's conversations like this that make me head over heels in love with him:

Nicole Villarojo: sino nga ba ang nanakawan na ng cellphone ng ilang beses?
Dinotelo de Leon: hoy, never ako nanakawan noh
Nicole Villarojo: you're not exactly the most precautious person you know
Dinotelo de Leon: naiiwan ko sa taxi
Dinotelo de Leon: no element of coercion there
Dinotelo de Leon: or even panloloko
Dinotelo de Leon: pure katangahan lang yun
Dinotelo de Leon: hahaha
Nicole Villarojo: :))
Dinotelo de Leon: sabagay
Dinotelo de Leon: :D
Nicole Villarojo: ok that's hilarious.
Nicole Villarojo: but still, you aren't the most precautious person.
Dinotelo de Leon: I love you
Dinotelo de Leon: :)
Nicole Villarojo: and you look defenseless.
Nicole Villarojo: and oh yes, i love you too. :)

Hahaha, inamin pa talaga na burara siya sa gamit. :) How adorable is that?

Just an update on my 10 things to do before I turn 21.

2007-11-26T08:53:00.001+08:00

Go to that carnival in MOA.

Stop procrastinating my monthly ***. Scheduled temporarily for Saturday morning. :)

Watch “One More Chance”.

Join the Animo Run. I decided to scrap it all together. Well, Dino and I did. And for good reason! But I haven't quite thought of an alternative yet. :) So there.

Watch all of Mica’s episodes of Gossip Girl.

Finish adding all 700+ contacts in my new phonebook. :) Almost done! Almost done!

Buy Zoe’s lens hood.

Finish reading 3 out 6 books I bought during my last trip to Sing. I'm done with 1 out of 6, and I forgot to bring another book for this week. Darnit. Doesn't look like I have much time to read this week anyway.

Try 4 other variants of cupcakes from Cupcakes. :) Probably this Thursday, kung matuloy kami sa Serendra nina Chars. :)

Tell my mom, regardless. It's official! (Well, not us!) But my family officially knows. :) Yey! *big sigh of relief* so now I don't have to go hiding it anymore. :D I'm so proud of him and I'm so happy my family was uber nice about it. :) I LOVE YOU! :D

The others? Aba, ewan! Hahaha, basta I'll figure out when to get it. Siguro when I buy the DVD of Ibyang, I'll look for the gossip girls season kahit na hindi pa kumpleto. :) (mental note: drop by ruins on friday night.)

On a darker note: Shyet hell week nanaman. I'm getting nightmares that I'm going to be late for reports. I hate it! New mantra: MANAGE YOUR TIME WELL. (AND DON'T EAT IN THE PROCESS.) Hahaha!

And because you love this picture so much:

2007-11-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

I did it! I did it! :D I'm done with the interview and now all I have to do is wait.

I remember I listed during my freshman year the things I wanted to join:
1. P&G Student Excellence Awards (done first half of 2007)
2. Unilever Business Week (no longer done by Unilver)
3. Ayala Young Leaders Conference (done with the interview, just waiting for the results…cross fingers!!!)
4. Hitachi Young Leaders Initiative (currently doing application form)
5. The Outstanding Coeds - The Outstanding Young Men (done 2007)

Come to think of it, I’m pretty much on track! Hahaha! But somehow I don’t feel so excited anymore with Hitachi… should I be worried that my heart’s not into it? :( Maybe I just want AYLC so bad that Hitachi is so far away from my mind right now.

Anyway, I got my Paulo Coelho planner from Greggy! Yey. :) (HAPPY NICOLE!) Can’t wait to use it for 2008.

Winner line from Nico today: “Jasper, mag-cuddle na din tayo para matching lahat.” Hahaha!

Butterflies in my tummy

2007-11-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

It's 2 months today, by my count. :) That was uber fast. :) Lovelove. :)

Yikes, tomorrow is the big day. I've never been so nervous for an interview. And I have a zit. Darn zit. I shall cover you with make-up tomorrow.

I hope the creative juices will flow tomorrow. Wah pumipili pa naman ako ng oras para magsulat. What happens if I get mental block when they give me the essay question?! Bah.

I need to be an idealist. I need to be an optimist. I need to be nationalistic.

*Deep breath in... deep breath out* OK! All set. :D

LOVE is a stronger word.

2007-11-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

Because Dino said I'm such a pessimist and I keep focusing on everything bad that happens... and the fact that I told him I had a better day today... here is my love post:

I love that I didn't have morning class today.
I love that I got free starbucks from Bea.
I love that I bumped into Dr. Cabegin today. :)
I love that I got to watch Dino debate again today, after a really long time.
I love that I got to wear my "maternity dress" today , as Robin calls it.
I love that I finished typing the proposal for scholars week.
I love that I finished doing my research for THES-QS.
I love that I ate healthy today. :)
I love that Dino finally made kuwento the kuwento he's been keeping for so long.
I love that pinaalam ko na sa mom ko na pupunta siya sa bahay on Sunday.
I love that our schedules are falling into place.
I love that it's almost the 22nd and it's two months, according to my count.
I love that we got through the random drug testing without any glitches.
I love that I got to watch Rescue 911 today. :)
I love that you took my hand today.
I love that your mom is so supportive.
I love that you're taking a chance with me.
I love that you're such a kid.
I love that you hold me at the right time, all the time. :)

Thanks for being there for me today. Thanks for helping me remember.

And yes, I woke up smiling today. :)

HATE is a strong word.

2007-11-20T23:43:00.000+08:00

I hate that I still can't understand BUCOTAX until now.
I hate that I have a paper in MARKOST and people treat me like I'm the leader when I'm not. I hate that I feel so burdened with the paper and I can't even get started with it.
I hate that I feel so lost with my MARKNAL paper and I have to deliver despite the fact that I'm going to be out of the country.
I hate that I have SALESBA requirements but I don't even know which part is assigned to me.
I hate that Kaisie is breathing down my back for articles that I didn't even know I had to write.
I hate that its raining and I don't have my umbrella.
I hate that my stomach has been queasy all day.
I hate that I didn't get to watch that Israeli filmfest today.
I hate that Jeff is demanding that I find that music.
I hate that the THES-QS ratings are so bad and Plaridel expects me to have some expert opinion about it. I grieve as any green-blooded Lasallian would.. but I haven't quite gathered my thoughts yet.
I hate that SHB revisions are piling up and I can't seem to get started.
I hate that there are so many people complaining to me and I can't do anything about it.
I hate that people in the core don't have backbones and can't solve their own problems.
I hate that it's deja vu for me again with this slate.

But most of all I hate that the thought of "us" was so far from my mind today... that I couldn't seem to remember what we have and I didn't feel like I had you. It used to comfort me just to think that you were there for me. But today I was struggling to find memories to make me calm down and know everything was going to be ok. I don't feel ok. And it sucks. I know I'm super bothered because my body is starting to react.

When I wake up tomorrow, I want to smile. I want to see you tomorrow and know everything is going to be ok. I need you.

On the THES-QS

2007-11-19T22:18:00.001+08:00

I'm pre-empting a lower THES-QS ranking this year... just so we don't take the blow so hard, allow me to copy-paste some of the ranking's criticisms. :)

Half of the THES index is comprised by existing reputation: 40 per cent by a reputational survey of academics (‘peer review’), and another 10 per cent determined by a survey of ‘global employers’. The THES index is too easily open to manipulation as It is not specified who is surveyed or what questions are asked. By changing the recipients of the surveys, or the way the survey results are factored in, the results can be shifted markedly.
The pool of responses is heavily weighted in favour of academic ‘peers’ from nations where the Times is well-known, such as the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Malaysia and so on.
Results have been highly volatile. There have been many sharp rises and falls, especially in the second half of the THES top200 where small differences in metrics can generate large rankings effects. Fudan in China has oscillated between 72 and 195, RMIT in Australia between 55 and 146. In the US, Emory has risen from 173 to 56 and Purdue fell from 59 to 127.
The British universities do too well in the THES table. They have done better each successive year. This year Cambridge and Oxford suddenly improved their performance despite Oxford's present problems. The British have two of the THES top three and Cambridge has almost closed the gap on Harvard. Yet the British universities are manifestly under-funded[6] and the Harvard faculty is cited at 3 1/2 times the rate of its British counterparts. It does not add up.
The performance of the Australian universities is also inflated. Despite a relatively poor citation rate and moderate staffing ratios they do exceptionally well in the reputational academic survey and internationalisation indicators, especially that for students. Australia has 13 of the THES top 200 and appears as the third strongest system in the world, ahead of Japan, Canada, Germany and western Europe (the G7 nations). This makes sense in relation to Australia’s international marketing but not all round performance or reputation.
It's good when people say nice things about you, but it is better when those things are true. It is hard to resist the temptation to use the THES rankings in institutional marketing, but it would be a serious strategic error to assume that they are soundly based.

Furthermore, the THES ranking does not verify the names of the Universities properly. For example, the University of Illinois which actually comprises 3 separate campuses(universities) was lumped together in the ranking.

Things to do before I turn 21

2007-11-18T11:30:00.001+08:00

Go to that carnival in MOA.
Stop procrastinating my monthly ***.
Watch “One More Chance”.
Join the Animo Run.
Watch all of Mica’s episodes of Gossip Girl.
Finish adding all 700+ contacts in my new phonebook. :)
Buy Zoe’s lens hood.
Finish reading 3 out 6 books I bought during my last trip to Sing.
Try 4 other variants of cupcakes from Cupcakes. :)
Tell my mom, regardless.

Malamang dadami pa yan, I just want to stick to the 10 first. :) Lalo na sa number 10.

I'm turning over a new leaf

2007-11-17T10:29:00.000+08:00

...the difference with me is that I want to be one of the 8. Hahahaha!

This is why Bianca and I have a new mantra: OVER-EXERCISE, UNDER-EAT. :D

It's a brilliant philosophy! I can definitely do the eating part.. but exercise? Hahaha, good luck! We'll just see how it goes. :)

I WILL GET THIN(ner). :D

Mundell Lecture

2007-11-16T09:07:00.000+08:00

What a memorable day it was. I can now officially say I've attended the lecture of a Nobel Laureate. (and not the kind from Chowking, Jenn!)

Professor Mundell (who owns a castle in Italy by the way) seems to be so down-to-earth considering he's already been hailed as the father of so many economic theories. Good grief.

On a lighter note, I've never seen the admin so tense before. I could feel the tension in the 3rd floor of the Yuchengco building when I got my invitation from Mrs. Yuhico. Hahaha, it's so cute.

Can I just say, this is my favorite part of his lecture: "Analyzing the effect of a permanent increase in saving--in that case each year the public saves in order to increase its money holdings, creating an excess supply of goods and services, which finds its way (for a small open economy) into exports."

Great insight.

Happy Nicole. :) Economics is looooooove.

2007-11-13T16:19:00.000+08:00

Hahaha, thou shalt not be distracted by the picture above. Talk about kilig. Anyway the real reason for this post:

I just came from UST for one of their STRAW forums. I spoke along with Gio (from Ateneo) and Shan (from UP-Diliman) and I must say... I'M SO HAPPY WITH THEIR STRAW CELEBRATION!

It's like a dream come true that I was able to influence another school to celebrate STRAW and when I saw their line-up of activities and when Ney told me bout their parade/"rally" yesterday I was soooooo happy!

I'm so glad they were able to pull this off and I'm so glad their CSC is really stepping up. I see a bright future for the Thomasians. Awww....

Side comment: panalo talaga si Professor Umbridge... first time I heard a 1 hour and 15 minute speech for opening remarks. hahaha!

Okay, off to Serendra now with Boo-boo. Cupcakes here I come!

2007-11-11T21:10:00.000+08:00

Got my flight details already for December's Singapore trip. Apparently, we're flying back on the 9th ergo... birthday abroad!

Gosh, uso pa naman yung mga birthday surprise sa SC ngayon... I guess I won't get my birthday surprise this year... Dammit, I've never gotten surprised yet!

At least I get to spend it with Ivy (and Chris, hopefully) so sana mabawi ang happy happy joy joy moments I could have gotten here in Manila.

And another dammit! I won't be with Dino on my birthday. :( I would have wanted to spend the day with him... :( sad.

peechure peechure!

2007-11-11T06:28:00.000+08:00

Zoe needs a lens hood.

I will buy her one.

Photography is love. :)

And as an after thought, I'm selfish when keeping memories. :) We should make more.

I'm alive! :D

2007-11-03T08:04:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I've had something to blog about. But these are the times when I'm compelled to blog. As boo puts it, I just need a freaking outlet sometimes. It's an outlet, mind you, hence I don't intend for a lot of people to read this post. Only those lucky souls who happen to stumble upon my blog which they know died a year ago. This is precisely the reason why I don't want to post it in my multiply account. I don't want my blog entry to be announced to the whole world.

There's been a whirlwind happening in my life. Sometimes I think that there's no stopping it, but then God magically gives you something else to calm the seas before you begin to drown. What with all the family drama and SC and just about all the competitions the school's been throwing me into, God has yet again given me an anchor.

As with my blog, it's also been a while since I've had a special someone. (Yikes, that gave me goosebumps to write.) And to tell you quite frankly, I don't feel like I'm just going through it again. And by that I mean like I'm a first-timer going through all the awkward puppy love moments--which is a great feeling by the way. As Dino and I like to put it, "it's so grade school". It's a world away from the world I've grown to love since my college years began. It's my new escape--and it's so worth it.

I wrote him an extremely long letter before he left for NDC and I told him why I've decided to put up with his childish ways--it was precisely for the reason that I wasn't childish. It was something that I saw in him that I didn't have and I knew I should be able to have. Mica tells me that we're cute because we're so busy but so in love. I laughed at it at first, but then I realized how happy I am with him simply because he makes me laugh every day and makes me go through awkward moments so I don't take myself so seriously anymore. Even Aimee tells me I'm so much more amicable now, which can't be a bad thing, right?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not lying on a bed of roses or anything. He's a busy busy guy and I'm proud of him for that--but we're both busy people. It eats up a lot of the time we would have otherwise spent together. We've also got such a different set of friends--friends which we've built strong relationships with and it's just plain weird to let either one in completely. I went through this awkward stage when I didn't see him for more than half a month... I was wondering if it would forever be this difficult to get some attention from him. But then I also realized I didn't want to strangle him just as I don't want to be strangled in this relationship either. I just don't know where to draw the line and demand for time--or should I just make myself available when I can, and jump at the opportunity when he is as well? Or should it really be a conscious effort on both our parts to make time for each other?

Well, it's probably too early to think about those things anyway. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a happy camper and I'm determined to make this thing work. First time I've got no hang-ups over a relationship and I've never heard a bad comment about us yet. So yey!

Ga, you probably won't be able to read this til God knows when.. but thanks for everything. For the early mornings and the corny jokes... thank you. :) *Crush kita forever!* hahaha

Book List (to be read when I find the time)

2006-09-07T09:40:00.000+08:00

MUST-HAVE/MUST-READ:

1. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell: I know Ba-be has this book. hehe! I'll make it a point to borrow it from him if I don't find the funds to get my own copy. I've read another book by this author: The Tipping Poing--absolutely wonderful book. Anyway, found this description by Gladwell on his website about the book which really made me interested in the book:

"It's a book about rapid cognition, about the kind of thinking that happens in a blink of an eye. When you meet someone for the first time, or walk into a house you are thinking of buying, or read the first few sentences of a book, your mind takes about two seconds to jump to a series of conclusions. Well, "Blink" is a book about those two seconds, because I think those instant conclusions that we reach are really powerful and really important and, occasionally, really good.

You could also say that it's a book about intuition, except that I don't like that word. In fact it never appears in "Blink." Intuition strikes me as a concept we use to describe emotional reactions, gut feelings--thoughts and impressions that don't seem entirely rational. But I think that what goes on in that first two seconds is perfectly rational. It's thinking--its just thinking that moves a little faster and operates a little more mysteriously than the kind of deliberate, conscious decision-making that we usually associate with "thinking." In "Blink" I'm trying to understand those two seconds. What is going on inside our heads when we engage in rapid cognition? When are snap judgments good and when are they not? What kinds of things can we do to make our powers of rapid cognition better?"

2. Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner: I love how economics makes sense when you apply it to everything--or even how you can use economics to make sense of everything. And I guess that's what this book is about. These authors apply economics to certain situations we never would have thought could have certain economic intuition. Luck would have it, Steven Levitt was also the author of the base article I used in writing my first decent economics paper. I'm really excited to read his work again!

"Through forceful storytelling and wry insight, Levitt and co-author Stephen J. Dubner show that economics is, at root, the study of incentives - how people get what they want, or need, especially when other people want or need the same thing. In Freakonomics, they set out to explore the hidden side of — well, everything. The inner workings of a crack gang. The truth about real-estate agents. The myths of campaign finance. The telltale marks of a cheating schoolteacher. The secrets of the Ku Klux Klan.

What unites all these stories is a belief that the modern world, despite a surfeit of obfuscation, complication, and downright deceit, is not impenetrable, is not unknowable, and - if the right questions are asked - is even more intriguing than we think. All it takes is a new way of looking. Steven Levitt, through devilishly clever and clear-eyed thinking, shows how to see through all the clutter.

Freakonomics establishes this unconventional premise: if morality represents how we would like the world to work, then economics represents how it actually does work. It is true that readers of this book will be armed with enough riddles and stories to last a thousand cocktail parties. But Freakonomics can provide more than that. It will literally redefine the way we view the modern world."

3. Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss: This book, though not obvious from the title, is a book about punctuation. I myself am a stickler for punctuation, especially now with my thesis in progress. The anecdote at the back of the book was particularly enjoyable:

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda", he says, at the door. "Look it up."

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.

Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.

So punctuation really does matter, even if it is only occasionally a matter of life and death.

4. The End of Poverty by Jeffrey Sachs: I admire economists who are able to publish books that generally everyone can understand. Usually economists write research papers that only other economists can understand--at least that's what I gather from what my professors do in the University. But anyway, maybe because I'm taking a course on poverty next term that made me want to read this book. I guess coming from a third world country makes you jump at certain ideas for solutions to fight poverty. And for it to come from Jeffrey Sachs--maybe it's got something to say.

"Extreme poverty can be ended, not in the time of our grandchildren, but our time." Thus forecasts Jeffrey D. Sachs, whose twenty-five years of experience observing the world from many vantage points has helped him shed light on the most vital issues facing our planet: the causes of poverty, the role of rich-country policies, and the very real possibilities for a poverty-free future. Deemed "the most important economist in the world" by The New York Times Magazine and "the world's best-known economist" by Time magazine, Sachs brings his considerable expertise to bear in the landmark The End of Poverty: Economic Possibilities for Our Time, his highly anticipated blueprint for world-wide economic success — a goal, he argues, we can reach in a mere twenty years.

MUST-READ (AGAIN)

1. The Tipping Poing by Malcolm Gladwell: I don't think I did that book justice the last time I read it. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but I think it deserves to be read one more time. Actually, I think everyone should have the chance to read it. Especially students from CBE. Oh, and student leaders of course.

It's a book about change. In particular, it's a book that presents a new way of understanding why change so often happens as quickly and as unexpectedly as it does. For example, why did crime drop so dramatically in New York City in the mid-1990's? How does a novel written by an unknown author end up as national bestseller? Why do teens smoke in greater and greater numbers, when every single person in the country knows that cigarettes kill? Why is word-of-mouth so powerful? What makes TV shows like Sesame Street so good at teaching kids how to read? I think the answer to all those questions is the same. It's that ideas and behavior and messages and products sometimes behave just like outbreaks of infectious disease. They are social epidemics. The Tipping Point is an examination of the social epidemics that surround us.

MUST-FINISH:

1. The World is Flat by Thomas Friedman: Ask my roommates. I've been trying to finish this bloody book since the beginning of the term. Well. It's long! But it's a good read--definitely a good read. It was nice to hear anecdotes there about how the world was becoming "flatter" because I was taking INTECON last term and it all really made sense to me. I should finish reading that book before any of the others here on my list. Haha, but who knows when I'll finish it?! My subjects next term require tons of reading as well. I hope I'll find the time. (And Paulo, I can lend you my book once I'm done. A promise is a promise!)

History of the world twenty years from now, and they come to the chapter "Y2K to March 2004," what will they say was the most crucial development? The attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11 and the Iraq war? Or the convergence of technology and events that allowed India, China, and so many other countries to become part of the global supply chain for services and manufacturing, creating an explosion of wealth in the middle classes of the world's two biggest nations, giving them a huge new stake in the success of globalization? And with this "flattening" of the globe, which requires us to run faster in order to stay in place, has the world gotten too small and too fast for human beings and their political systems to adjust in a stable manner?

In this brilliant new book, the award-winning New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman demystifies the brave new world for readers, allowing them to make sense of the often bewildering global scene unfolding before their eyes. With his inimitable ability to translate complex foreign policy and economic issues, Friedman explains how the flattening of the world happened at the dawn of the twenty-first century; what it means to countries, companies, communities, and individuals; and how governments and societies can, and must, adapt. The World Is Flat is the timely and essential update on globalization, its successes and discontents, powerfully illuminated by one of our most respected journalists.

2006-09-05T12:48:00.000+08:00

I have this theory: relationships can only last if the guy loves the girl more. If girls are helplessly head over heels over the guy, they turn into some sort of martyr. I don't think all men are chauvinistic pigs... maybe most are. I guess it's just something I've noticed. Labo noh? Basta.

2006-09-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wished you had everything you wanted?

I used to.

But now I'm beginning to think things over. I've come to realize that you never really know what you want. You never really know who you want.

As a leader you always wish you get the respect from all your subordinates, that people depend on you constantly and you get to do everything you want because people will eventually follow you. But at some point, you crowd your head with too much responsibility. You begin to do things you don't need to do. You begin to worry about things that don't need to be worried about. It isn't enough that people constantly breathe down your back so you end up being your own worst critic. Your ego begins growing and suddenly when that takes a beating, everything you've built begins to crumble before your eyes. But hey, you ultimately dust it off, shed no tears, show no sign of weakness... simply because you know everyone will feel your grief... and they shouldn't.

People often wish they had the perfect family. In times of need, they're the ones you can constantly depend on right? So fine, you accept that your family isn't perfect, so you try damn hard to make things count. But eventually even they can hurt you. It's absolutely amazing how it happens. You have claim over certain successes, but you ultimately (although not deliberately) seek your family's approval.

I'm a selfish person. I hate the feeling of me loving/liking someone so much but that person has no intention of loving me. I like the feeling of being loved. That's how selfish I am. When you get a little bit of everything you want... you realize you don't want any of them. And you end up getting hurt.

It's never good to have everything. Wanting something is never a bad thing.

It's finally over!

2006-08-27T12:45:00.000+08:00

YES. I really needed to see that. Sometimes I wished you even began to love me as much as you do her, but then again I know if it didn't happen, it wasn't meant to. If there's one thing I know, you can't force someone to love you--or even to love you again. Going through it really hurts, but once it's over (and you get a grip on reality) everything seems so much better. I'm finally over you. YEY! My heart is ready to love. Bring 'em on! Oh wait lang, may tapat pa pala. hahaha! Work first.. then love.

2006-08-05T13:01:00.000+08:00

talk about balance.

2006-07-09T13:33:00.000+08:00

I think our attempt at a family wedding picture looked more like a prom picture. Oh well... it was an okay attempt, we never have too many family pictures.

I envied the whole video presentation during the wedding reception though... I wonder if I have enough pictures so when someone is sweet enough to make me a presentation it wouldn't have the same 10 pictures going around. haha!

snap shots.

2006-06-02T18:43:00.000+08:00

Gigay... I think the Tito Manolo in you is coming out. Hehe!

I'm so glad Baby Monchee is back. Hehe! Ito talagang si Ate Pam, pa-cute forever! Manny, Reuben... welcome to the pamilya. hehe! Pabuhat naman diyan!

Our new karate friends. Including Anne's new karate "friend". ;)

Wonderful.

2006-06-02T18:13:00.000+08:00

I had an amazing summer. I never realized how much I missed the girls. I thought it was suicide to take ballet over the summer and lead Tapat as well... but I guess the girls really kept me sane. Well, the pimples really is a manifestation of my stress... but at least I still find it in me to laugh. [New school year resolution? SKIN CARE.] I bet I would have given up on Tapat a long time ago if I wasn't dancing. Ironic noh? But if I was so absorbed with Tapat stuff and I didn't have anything else to be concerned with... I would be nuts. cracked nuts. hehe

Thank you to my "odalisque meant-to-be". Hay you guys can tolerate my wackiness better than anyone I know. I'm so proud of both of you talaga. You both have improved so much in your dancing and you never fail to amaze me when I see you rehearse and of course perform. Haha, I never want to be in the same dressing room as you guys again! You make me panic! But you're right gigs, ate pam's stress balls worked. hehe! Can we eat buko sherbet again at your house?

Ok, I don't look like much of a president of a political organization.. huh. Well, that's really who I am. Ok lang naman to be wacky... basta pag dating sa studyante... di ko kayo tatantanan! See? Baduy pa presidente niyo.

I never realized how much I missed being on stage. I think dancing is my escape. I think everyone should have one. I know when I take class and when I perform on stage... I forget everything else. It's the only time when I can pretend to be someone else. Dancing within the walls of CCP made me remember that I exist for God and for myself. I don't live and breath for anyone or anything else. I remember when Gigay and I went on stage early before class.. The only light in the theater was one work light. The entire theater was pitch black. I lay down on the stage and stared blankly in space. I would bother Gigs from time to time... I felt at peace though. It felt so great... so you know what I did? I did crunches... I did crunches in the middle of the CCP main theater stage, early in the morning... in the darkness. Ha! :)

Oh ya... karate friends! You guys kick butt! Talk about discipline. It was a great experience. It honestly was. Too bad we didn't get to push through with our "kaboom" chocolates. That would have been funny. Oh wait, you're all on a diet. So i guess it's a good thing we didn't give it to you guys. To new friendships! (And new recruits! Miguel.. ano na partido mo? hehe)

Last but definitely not the least. Ate Pam and Kuya Jeff! Thank you for an amazing summer. Kuya Jeff, thank you for carrying me. Haha! Thank you for bearing with me. Ate Pam is right, I trust you more than I know. But no thanks for making me scream at the top of my lungs in the middle of greenhills. Buti na lang I didn't apply my new karate skills on you! Ate Pam... forever my encourager and um... chika-mate. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for your patience in teaching me the steps and rehearsing me with my unpredictable injuries and erratic schedule. Both of you are the two people we have not thanked enough. But grabe. Love ka talaga namin. Pramis!

2006-04-18T08:45:00.000+08:00

Do you know the feeling when things are about to take off, then suddenly you realize you would have crashed if you pushed through? The drawback comes from the fact that you're losing precious time but then your better reasoning tell you that you'd rather do things over and do it right, rather than rush things and do them wrong.

All in due time, friend. We'll pull through.

And to YOU.. stop laughing at me behind my back because at least I was brave enough to face it. I am principled enough not to give up when I know they need me. Laugh at THAT why don't you.

Bausch & Lomb to suspend ReNu shipments

2006-04-15T12:46:00.001+08:00

From one concerned ReNu user to another... I hope you guys change your contact lens solutions ASAP! - Nicole

NEW YORK - Bausch & Lomb voluntarily suspended shipment of a contact lens solution after federal health officials linked it Monday to a fungal eye infection that can cause temporary blindness.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is investigating 109 reports of Fusarium keratitis infection in patients in 17 states since June 2005.

Federal and state health officials have interviewed just 30 of those patients. However, of the 28 who wore soft contact lens, however, 26 reported using Bausch & Lomb’s ReNu brand contact lens solution or a generic type of solution also made by the Rochester, N.Y., company.Bausch & Lomb said it would temporarily suspend shipments of ReNu with MoistureLoc made at its Greenville, S.C., plant.

“The CDC data released today are both troubling and perplexing, as there is an apparent disproportionate representation of U.S.-manufactured ReNu with MoistureLoc in the underlying data. The source of these infections has not been determined,” company chairman and chief executive officer Ronald Zarrella said.
Five of the 26 patients also reported using other types of solutions in addition to ReNu, Bausch & Lomb said. And nine said they wore their lenses overnight, which is known to increase the risk of infection, the CDC said.

Dr. Daniel Schultz, director of the Food and Drug Administration’s Center for Devices and Radiological Health, said it was too early to determine if Bausch & Lomb’s solution was the cause of the infections. Both the FDA and CDC are investigating a growing number of reports of infection by the fungus. An estimated 30 million Americans wear soft contact lenses.

“We are relatively early in this investigation. It may be we will find this particular product does not have an association. We may find a strong association,” Schultz told reporters.

The fungus is commonly found in plant material and soil in tropical and subtropical areas. Singapore health officials noticed an increase in reports of infection in January and discovered 39 cases involving contact lens users from 2005 to February of this year. Cases have also been reported in Malaysia and Hong Kong.

In February, Bausch & Lomb halted sales of its ReNu contact lens solution in Singapore and Hong Kong.

Without treatment, which can last two to three months, the infection can scar the cornea and blind its victims. Eight U.S. patients have required cornea transplants.

Soft contact users with eye redness or pain, tearing, increased light sensitivity, blurred vision or discharge should stop wearing contacts and contact a doctor immediately, said Dr. Malvina Eydelman, director of the FDA’s Division of Ophthalmic and Ear, Nose and Throat Devices. The FDA also advises users to wash their hands well with soap and water before handling lenses and to follow cleaning and storage guidelines.

In addition, contact lens wearers who use ReNu with MoistureLoc should do so with caution, the FDA said.

konti na lang!

2006-04-08T08:13:00.000+08:00

yeyeye! term almost over!

2 more exams, 2 more papers.

time to get thin!

after 18 years, she decides to dance.

2006-03-25T10:30:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the ballet world Nikki Fig! Hahaha!

2006-03-24T21:24:00.000+08:00

macroeconomics is my waterloo. or maybe i'm just really stupid. argh.

My Wednesday "Sinning" Partner

2006-03-09T20:47:00.000+08:00

(Halloo boohlah)

I'd just like people to know that on our wacky days, we are pigs. We indulge in the sinful and we forget we're students. We spend our day watching movies when we aren't supposed, eating food we aren't supposed to, and buying clothes without proper planning. It's simply wonderful.

And we love Cello's. Ahaha, 2 for me, 4 for you! Pero seriously... once a week lang please. Teeheehee!

Makes me miss BM. Hello to the girls!

a little ego boost

2006-03-09T20:43:00.000+08:00

Feeding your ego is never a good thing. You’re bound for disappointment one way or another. You begin by never admitting you’re wrong which gives you a totally distorted image about yourself; and as you go on denying something you know is true, you end up blaming other people for it therefore creating little niches in your friendship. Gee, how sad.

Feeding your ego makes your pride reach insurmountable levels. Any sensible person should know that you have to strike a balance between being so full of yourself and self-pity. Isn’t that a virtue of some sort? Oh well. About pride… it’s a nuisance that pride thing. It gets in the way in a lot of occasions. What I hate about it is that it somehow builds up inside you like a virus and suddenly it blows up and everyone hates you. Whoopee.

Don’t feed other people’s egos as well. Feeding their egos doesn’t make them a better person. You’re not supporting them if that’s what you call it. Don’t destroy another person’s life by doing that especially when you’re doing it to live out your own dream. I’m glad you’re proud… but gee whiz you gotta know when to stop! Oh! I know humility is a virtue… and um… that’s not humility you got there… it’s far from that… far FAR from that.

Wanna know something gross?

2006-01-26T19:09:00.000+08:00

I have my period. (Ok that's not the gross part.) Obviously I accumulate my share of used napkins in my bathroom garbage bin. (It's getting gross, huh? Save yourself the trouble of reading the rest of this post if it grosses you out. I just had to post so I'd remember this day.) So anyway, Jane (our maid) brought down the contents of my garbage bin containing my used you-know-whats. She must have placed it on the floor of the kitchen or something coz when my mom went in the kitchen, she saw our dog, Chubby with a napkin in his mouth. Hahaha! I think my mom was going to cry. She washed Chubby's mouth out. I haven't seen him yet, and I don't really want to get near him right now. Haha! Well, that's an awkward way for everyone in my house to know I have my period. Gross.

2006-01-04T21:02:00.000+08:00

KODY! I've only seen him 3 times and I'm his ninang! Funny, when he looks at you coz he gives a feeling he's about to do something mischievous. He's the only chinese boy I find cute. Elvin... you're not cute even though you think you are. Hehehe! And Madel, wag na humirit about "crush".

2006-01-04T21:00:00.000+08:00

Aww.. I remember this little girl when she was still so kulit! Running around the theater, making all the dancers gulo in the dressing room - batang star city na talaga. Now she's got her place in her "Feather Club" with her friends. Hehe, big girl ka na tin! Hindi na chubby, pero sarap pa rin yakapin!

Needed: Exercise

2005-12-29T12:34:00.000+08:00

I’ve been trying to find a substitute for my ballet classes which are illusory right now. How the heck am I supposed to keep the poundage off when my house is packed with Christmas left-overs and I have no form of exercise?

I tried walking the other night with the parental units (much to my disappointment). Our walking route seemed to be 10 times more tiring when I was a kid. Oh well, at least I was able to get my heart rate up a bit.

This morning I attempted to jog our walking route.. maybe then I’d feel that same exhaustion as I do when I’m dancing. Well, I ended up not jogging. Rather, I was joking (half-jogging, half-walking). It’s safe to assume I was mostly walking though. Blimey, you really do get winded when you’ve been lying on your ass all day watching the idiot box. And what have I to show for it? A sole full of blisters – well, one on either foot that is.

Something Evil

2005-12-26T16:40:00.000+08:00

If you want to put a curse on someone's promising career, start calling him The Next Something or The Great Hope. Express your belief that he will break all existing records. Then sit back and watch him crumble under the weight of people's expectations. [Insert evil witch laugh here.]

2005-12-25T12:59:00.000+08:00

You Are a Natural Beauty!

You're the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about...
One that looks good in the morning - without a stich of makeup
That's doesn't mean you're a total hippie chic though
You have style, but for you, style is effortless

What Type of Beauty Are You?

2005-12-25T12:52:00.000+08:00

Teehee... to my elected, a very Merry Christmas! You guys are the best. (Madel and John, tama na away! Meg, kamukha mo si Chx.)

2005-12-25T12:50:00.000+08:00

Yum, mukha kang foreign exchange student. Hehe!

Simbang Gabi 2005

2005-12-25T12:42:00.000+08:00

I initially attempted to attend Simbang Gabi masses as my final desperate plea to God to pass me in all my subjects this term (specifically ECOSTAT and MACREC). I decided that since I was there already, I might as well make an effort to listen to all the Homilies. I began praying every day to God to pass me in all my subjects and that if He did I’d finish all nine days of Simbang Gabi (Course card day was on the 4^th or 5^th day of Simbang Gabi, I’m not sure).

As the course of the masses drew on, I realized that what the priests were saying were relatively the same. Mama Mary was the perfect example of a human being with extremely strong faith. (And that we should give to the second collection for the choir. Hehe!) Suddenly I began to notice the large number of women clad with their marian veils, bringing out their thick Bibles and clutching their rosaries. I used to find these devout Catholics to be such great examples of what a Christian should be. They are the ones that know and live the doctrines. They are the ones who have the patience to recite the rosary ten times a day. They are the ones who memorize all the prayers in the Catholic Faith. I used to think that was what my religion was about. I used to think that was what all my religion classes were trying to imbibe in me. I had to be this prim and proper lady, with downcast eyes, who had the ability to recite novenas to all the saints known to man.

Maybe I’m just maturing, or maybe I’ve had too many moments with the Lord that I’ve now grown out of envying these women. Msgr. Gerry was right… Faith isn’t measured by how many doctrines and prayers you’ve memorzied. It’s measured by how you experience God every day. It’s measured by how you see God every day in your life and how much of your life you consider a blessing from God and how much of your life you offer to thank Him for those blessings.

Praying the rosary 10 times a day doesn’t necessarily make you a man of strong faith. You can recite it but at the same time wonder what you’ll be eating for dinner, or whether you remembered to turn off the kitchen light before you left the house, or whether the children have done their homework… sana hindi ka na lang nagsimba. It’s the same with people who go to confession every day but are still more sinful then those who go to confession once a year. It’s the same with people who go to mass every day but never listen to what the priest has to say and instead makes it some sort of social event. Maybe these things are done because we have to sacrifice our time for Him, because these ready made prayers are meant to be pondered on even though you memorize it already and it becomes mechanical to recite. What’s important is your personal experience with God – that is what religion is all about.

This coming New Year I plan to become a better Christian. I’m not going to go to mass every day, I’m not going to recite the rosary every day, and I’m not going to make it a personal mission to recite a novena every day. I’m going to make a conscious effort to find the Lord in my daily personal experiences. Whether it be through the people I meet, the tests I’ve taken, the time I wake up in the morning, the success of every ballet performance, the trip I take to school… everything. I’ll be the local version of Joan of Arcadia. Hehe… Nicole of Alabang.

2005-12-24T17:08:00.000+08:00

Ate Pam... one of the strongest people I know who shows a passion for life (especially dancing) that rubs off on anyone who has the pleasure of being her friend (or student).

2005-12-24T17:06:00.000+08:00

Me and the girls... Here are a few of the people that always make me proud to be who I am. Through our unprohibited laughter, I enjoy life tremendously.

Bah Humbug.

2005-12-24T16:48:00.000+08:00

People seem to have the mistaken notion that you can buy love. Apparently, to them, you can use your money to buy someone’s affections, to win an emotional battle, to gain the right to demand favors from them in the future, to try and prove something that isn’t even true or to undo mistakes. In turn, there are those who are trying to be won over - those that are on the receiving ends of these extravagant gifts. Some run around unabashed by the entire hooplah, others use their selfish manipulative ways to make it seem like it’s a good thing and you might as well play along.

My, you must have done well this past year to afford all these things. Whether it was through manual labor, sheer luck or a sugar-daddy… who cares. Must you spend so unnecessarily for others you don’t even care enough about to try and show real emotion? When has a sincere “I Love You” gone out of style? Tsk tsk. Do you think this changes how people will perceive you? It certainly hasn’t changed mine. If anything you appear to be the most superficial, materialistic person showcasing your belongings as if you can afford them.

And you – who take advantage of these silly people – who prance around as if it was some heavenly blessing that you’re given your status symbols? Shame on you! Don’t be proud people give you things because they want to win you over and not because they poured their heart and soul into thinking about what to give you because they cared for you so much. They don’t. Can’t you see that? You say you can, but you buy into them every single time.

Gahd. It’s like an epidemic or something. And all the more it becomes rampant this Christmas Season. Bah Humbug.

Maybe people should learn from For Love or Money. (I find that show pathetic by the way.) Apparently, from the rubrics of the game, one isn’t the effect of the other. Money doesn’t buy love. Giving things to other people doesn’t win favor with God. Giving things to other people doesn’t make you a more devout Christian. And it doesn’t necessarily make you a better friend either. It just doesn’t work that way.

I don’t care if you give me anything material this Christmas. Give me a heartfelt, good-natured, sincere wish and I’d cherish you forever.

2005-10-23T20:34:00.000+08:00

wow! LEGS. hehe

2005-10-23T20:33:00.000+08:00

wahoo! what happy hershey's... :)

2005-06-09T05:38:00.000+08:00

I wonder if the administration takes the Student Council seriously? Do they just see us as a bunch of overly active kids that get on their back? I wonder if they mock us behind our backs. I wonder if how passionate we get about our job is a joke to them. I wonder.

Life truly is a fleeting thing.

2005-04-21T12:25:00.000+08:00

I don’t remember the last time I shed so many tears for people who have made an impact in my life. I don’t remember the last time I had to drop everything and close my eyes to grieve. I don’t remember the last time I was so fearful to wake up the next day to find out that another had been taken.

I still remember the day that Sir Briones got his heart attack. I immediately felt this piercing pain in my heart. It was strange because I wasn’t as close to him as I am to my other friends, but ever since we came across each other during freshmen elections, I treated him as my father on campus. I was extremely touched midway into second term when he sent me a message on friendster asking how I was and that he hadn’t seen me yet that term. He had gotten used to seeing me regularly during the first term. I remember how much comfort he had given me during the general elections every time we’d campaign in his class. He’d just give his jolly smile and wish me the best of luck. Good thing I decided to hug him the last time I saw him. Brother Ceci was right when he told me that although we weren’t really close, Sir Briones was a very important person in my life because he had such a tremendous impact. I still cry every time people talk to me about him.

Rej, or Mia as others would call her, was another person who had recently been taken. It was such a tragic death which until now still can’t materialize in my mind. Brother Ceci talked to us about paths meeting. My path and rej’s path crossed 5 days a week, 8 hours a day for 10 months during our junior year. Never have I seen such a humble person. She seemed so pure of everything and was hard working. She was an honor student who I know was close to her family and to her friends in school. She was one of those who’d shout “Nicole!” every time we’d cross each other in the hallway and was always open to listening to anything I had to say. She was a treasure to everyone in her class. It made me feel bad when I realized I was invited to one of our class gatherings… and I’m sure she was there… I didn’t even find time to attend. The last I saw Rej was graduation.

The deaths of these people really opened my eyes. I learned from Sir Briones that you don’t have to devote all your time and effort to know everyone so well. Sometimes the tiny gestures you make towards other people can have an impact on their lives. It makes me wonder if I’ve even gotten through to anyone. Sometimes I feel guilty because I know God put me in the Student Council for a reason. He’s making it so easy for me to touch other people’s lives. It makes me wonder how many lives I’ve touched in my last year. He’s given me yet another year to do it and I plan to make the most of it. I can’t imagine how much effort a person has to give when he’s just a regular person… it should be easier for me to do it since I’m already out there. It posts as a challenge to me now.

Rej’s death helps me remember that my life is borrowed. My life or anyone else’s can be taken away without any warning or reason. It makes me realize that every day before I close my eyes to sleep I have to make sure that everyone I love knows I love them. I never want to go to sleep angry or sad because I may not even see the next day to make up for it. It’s scary to think about.. but it’s another challenge God gives us.

We must truly live life to the fullest. Although the deaths of these people may not give any valid reason at the moment, God DOES have a reason. We must just be happy that these people are safe in His arms. All we can do now is pray.

God bless you Sir Briones and Rej. I miss you.

(Special thanks to Brother Ceci for his warm words. They're highly appreciated. Ü)

2004-12-24T09:29:00.000+08:00

Our little belen beneath our Christmas tree. Not much, but it's been there for many years. A blessed Christmas to everyone!

My Not-So-Chirstmas Christmas

2004-12-24T09:15:00.000+08:00

That oh-so-dreamy Christmas feeling was totally drained out of Christmas this year. If it weren’t for the Simbang Gabi, the Christmas decorations and the word “Christmas Day” printed on the December 25 square of everyone’s planners, I think this entire season would just pass as any other ordinary day this year. Sorry to burst everyone’s bubble, but I intended to write my Christmas blog with much joy and cheer, instead I can’t find anything very jolly to say this time.

This is the second Christmas I’m going to spend at home since I stopped dancing in BM (where my Christmas days were spent with my ballet buddies as we danced the day away in Star City). It is, however, my first Christmas as a college student. I suppose with all the hustle and bustle (not shopping for gifts, mind you) of passing term papers, projects, meeting deadlines with the OSAc and studying for final exams, I totally missed out on making my Christmas list which usually signals that Christmas day is just around the corner. On my last day of final exams, I was deciding what I wanted to do this Christmas break… then I realized that the word CHRISTMAS was attached to the word BREAK. Good grief, I totally forgot that my most awaited day of the year… that day when everyone was actually NICE to each other… was coming, and I wasn’t ready for it!

It was December 15 that day so I decided to begin MY Christmas season by attending the Simbang Gabi at 4:30 in the morning and completing it (hopefully so all my wishes would come true). But anyway, as I stumbled out of bed at 3:30 in the morning on December 16^th, I took a quick shower, changed… and went downstairs only to realize that my mom drove off without me. Okay, so THAT didn’t work out. So much for completing the Simbang Gabi… I missed the very first day already!

So I shifted to trying to make my Christmas list and possible gifts for my “special people”… but my oh my, fickle-minded me took forever to look for those perfect gifts. Actually, I haven’t even found my perfect gifts yet. I’ll probably find them after Christmas. Hehe! At least that’s the plan for now. So much for gift-giving.

I attended the Academy One Christmas party. I haven’t been seeing them much so it was more of a reunion of sorts rather than a Christmas party – or so it felt to me. It was nice seeing them, though, and those were probably the first gifts I received this season, much to my dismay that I had nothing to offer them but a “Thank you” and “Susunod na lang gift niyo next year ha! Pasensya na!”… with matching smile.

I guess what added to my morbid Christmas were all the deaths. I did my share of grieveing for FPJ, though I am not a fan of, and KC, whom I actually cried for. God bless their families and their souls. But I guess what utterly depressed me was the death I learned of during Course Card day last December 20. Kaye Marfori and I met at the PE department that morning and she told me one of her blockmates died. My batchmate, a member of BnE 2007, died. I don’t know if it’s this whole LA Rep thing of mine, but I felt like I lost someone I actually knew and for some reason, I felt like crying that day. God bless you, Adrian, and for Block 7: stay strong.

Another thing tugging on my family’s sleeve right now is the officially diagnosed sickness of my Bigpapa. It pains us to see him suffering every day and as much as we’d like to help him, and immediately alleviate his pain, we can only do so much. The first step he has to take is to quit smoking and that willingness really has to come from him. For the smokers out there, I know it’s really difficult to stop. It takes a lot of determination from the person stopping and for the people helping that person to stop, to be patient enough to take the hurtful words and reactions they might receive from him. It’s a depressing thought, but then again you learn to appreciate the person more for some strange reason, and I guess he learns to value more of his life as well.

So much for that. But still, there is something special about this Christmas season which makes me skiddish at times. It gives me that “kilig” feeling every time I think about it. Hugs and kisses, that’s all I can say. I’d rather not elaborate on that. I can say, though, that despite all that’s happened, this makes everything okay. Thank God I have you.

To everyone, sorry if I ruined your Christmas. I’m sure your having waaaay better Christmases than I’ve been having. I hope you all feel the Christmas season in your homes and in the people around you. A MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone, and to those who were able to finish the Simbang Gabi, congrats! God Bless!

(How ironic, all the other paragraphs are morbid, but the last one is like… MERRY CHRISTMAS! How totally screwed up. Hehe! Pardon me.)

Silly Nicole.

2004-12-17T13:41:00.000+08:00

One of my major flaws is that I can be extremely fatalistic sometimes. I’m not fatalistic in the sense that I believe I’ll get bad luck for 7 years if I break a mirror or when taking a picture with only 3 people, the one in the middle will die first. Haha! I’m not the type. I’m a little superstitious when it comes to how I do things. It’s silly sometimes and I laugh at myself for actually believing that the order in how I do things will make a difference in the outcome of whatever I’m doing.

Like wearing my pointe shoes in ballet… I have to nurse all my blisters first and bandage them. I have to put masking tape on my left foot first (moving left to right, mind you) then my right. I have to put my left toe pad first before my right. I have to put my right shoe on before my left. Every time I change the order of ANY of those things, I won’t rehearse well or perform well.

Even putting my make-up before a performance… I have to put my foundation, do my eyebrows, draw my eye lines, put on my eye shadow, put on my falsies. Then I have to put on my blush then my lipstick. One time I had a really bad performance and I realized I put my lipstick on before my blush… I never tried that again. Haha!

I guess I become really fatalistic before performances because when I know I can do the dance already, everything else runs on luck. I don’t know. I don’t want to figure it out.

Recently, I just took my finals for the second term. The first and second days, I stopped by the tambayan first, I didn’t review (in the testing room) till the last minute, then I’d stop by the tambayan again before I went home. I got so scared taking my eco test on the third day because I didn’t stop by the tambayan – ergo, change in my system… scary. But at least the test wasn’t so bad.

I guess I realized how silly I really am because I told my best friend about it when I called her up after the test. Haha! At least I’m conscious about it now. I don’t really know if I can stop being like this, but I’ll try as hard as I can – as much as it hurts me. Well except course card day… my best friend HAS to be there. I won’t get good grades if she doesn’t get it with me. I don’t want to take a chance with that one. Haha!

Silly Nicole.

2004-12-15T18:50:00.001+08:00

Thanks to everyone who came! It means a lot to me!

2004-12-15T18:50:00.000+08:00

We have a picture like this in Westinn... gradball mems! Miss you judie, izhar, mira and pola!

2004-12-15T18:42:00.000+08:00

Um, I'd rather not say what we have in common... but we do.

2004-12-15T18:40:00.000+08:00

Okay... line up by height please and SMILE! (Yes dad, SMILE.)

2004-12-15T18:38:00.001+08:00

Thanks to Shortcrust and Chef Peachy for my gorgeous cupcakes! (And special thanks from Tapat for the excellent chocolate chip cookies...)

2004-12-15T18:37:00.000+08:00

Tapat ulit! Dami niyo pictures, in fairness.

2004-12-15T18:36:00.000+08:00

My Academy One family... I miss you guys! See you in January!

2004-12-15T18:34:00.000+08:00

Tapat! Thanks for coming you guys!

2004-12-15T18:33:00.000+08:00

18 na tayo Carlo! Yey!

2004-11-24T17:38:00.000+08:00

Who studies during a party? No one else but eco majors. Hahaha! Ü

2004-10-10T08:32:00.000+08:00

I survived my first race. The feeling is incomprehensible. The pain and fatigue is, too! Haha!

Fun Run @ Makati 2004

2004-10-10T08:27:00.000+08:00

I SURVIVED.

Whoever knew my fats had it in them to finish the tortuous track we were tasked to complete? I don’t even know what I was thinking to get myself into something like that! It’s hard enough just standing with professional runners, athletes and the Philippine Air Force… it’s even harder to actually run the 5 kilometers of paved road!

I’m glad to say though, that breathable air still does exist in the urban area of Makati. It’s actually quite pleasant to jog there when the sun is just coming up. What’s even better is that you don’t get hit by the sun because the buildings soak up the rays for you! Early in the morning is when you can still be proud to live in Makati, or to actually be in Makati. But then when the buses start coming and people start going to work – that’s another story.

Anyway, as I huffed and puffed, lugging my body, counting every step I took, I kept telling myself I couldn’t give up because of the sheer shame of it. My aching ego! But heck, at least I finished it. If I didn’t have my trusty running mates, JM and Mac to drag me along, I don’t know how I would have finished it.

5 kilometers seems so endless, and to think there were still some people running the 10 kilometer race. It’s so amazing to see all these veteran runners literally strut there stuff during the race. Even just seeing them warm-up gives you an energy boost, or at least you start getting forced to prepare because they do it too. Then comes the race proper… you feel so strong, then after you turn the first few corners… haha… here comes the lack of oxygen, here comes your acidity, here comes the cramps… you push yourself to just go a little further until your legs can’t take it anymore.. then you walk… then you jog… then you sprint… then you walk again… until finally you look up and just beam as you cross the finish line. And I did it under 45 minutes, mind you! (I made a bet with my bestfriend, and she said I couldn’t do it in less than 45 minutes.)

The feeling after you finish the race and they hand you your official jersey is just exhilarating. But then every accomplishment feels like that anyway. It’s a good feeling when you labor over something, you put all your pain and guts into it, and as long as you did it fair and square, you’ll feel so happy afterwards. It’s a different feeling after a race. I won’t promise I’ll do it again though, but we’ll see! It was a good experience, no regrets. And it’s a good thing I had Brother Ceci to slump over after the race. Thanks Brother! Thanks as well to my running buddies, Mac and Jigs! Ü

2004-10-01T17:33:00.000+08:00

This was during the "surprise" bridal shower in Orchid Garden... Ate Pam, you were still a Ms. Asprer here! (I'd just like to note that this is a weird picture... taken at a very odd angle.)

To Pamsie, my friend...

2004-10-01T17:15:00.000+08:00

My friend Pam left for Brunei today… I’ve got some thoughts about that. I’m going to try as much as I can not to make this sound like a eulogy, but I highly doubt that possibility… just to let everyone know, I didn’t have that intention. I’m simply making a testimonial on how special this person is to me…

Let’s just say our friendship started with ballet, nothing more than that, but surprisingly, the friendship between us began to blossom quite unexpectedly… it is now a friendship deeply rooted on trust, honesty, whole-heartedness, loyalty… among other things.

I have to admit that in the beginning she’s someone I feared.. maybe because she was my senior, my teacher and was branded everyone’s idol. When I watched her dance on stage, she never ceased to take my breath away… all the more I felt I could never deserve to be in her company. I remember gawking at her as she worked relentlessly during class, during rehearsal, up to the last touch of make-up she’d put before performing… then I’d sit back and watch this dancer strut her stuff on stage as if it was as easy as pie and that she hadn’t toiled during rehearsals and her perpetually diets! I’ve never been prouder to be in the corps of a true prima ballerina. Amazing.. truly amazing.

So anyway, I still remember during my sixteenth birthday when she wrote me this 3 page letter about how thankful she was that I was there for her and I never gave up believing in her… I almost dropped the notebook and I couldn’t stop smiling because she actually felt like that. I wasn’t even conscious about how I acted towards her… my concern for her always stemmed from the fact that I felt she was one of the few genuine people I had met and never deserved to be treated any less than a queen. I promised myself I’d never leave her… and she made that promise easier to keep every time I was with her.

I’ve seen her in her happiest moments… after every performance, on the day Kuya Jeff proposed to her, during her bridal shower, when she got married… but it was really important for me to keep her happy.. I don’t know why. It would crush my heart to see her crying (and she easily does)… but trust that I’d defend her until I can’t anymore.

Moving on from some drastically depressing circumstance, I was glad to see how happy she was with her life. I never want her to be anything but happy. I’d be glad to pull strings for her any day. Seeing her happy makes me happy and knowing she’s living to her heart’s content is just superb.

You’d be lucky to cross paths with her. You’ll get to meet someone who, despite not seeing her everyday, would always find a way to make you feel special. She changes a lot of things in people’s lives. For her students, it’s absolutely everything they learned in ballet. On a personal note, she’s helped me get over a lot of things. Not just boys, mind you, but big things that really affect my life. Ballet, for instance. I suppose it’s one of her biggest regrets that she actually helped me stop, because if anything that wasn’t her intention… but she helped me fulfill my childhood dreams. A dream I’ve had ever since I started dancing 13 years ago. That’s 13 long years… but she was able to make that a reality. I’m eternally grateful.

Despite the distance, I hold her close to my heart… and I forever will. Ate Pam, I’ll miss you, the girls will miss you… so you better make your stay there worth it! We’ll be waiting here in Manila with arms wide open when you come back.

2004-09-19T13:08:00.000+08:00

to our beloved BA: it was the best teambuilding ever! (In fairness, 3 lang yung kulang sa picture! Ü)

2004-09-09T11:23:00.000+08:00

Ahhh... high school life... thank God it's over. Ü

life's complications

2004-09-09T10:49:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking… and I’ve realized… I basically have 4 types of relationships with people: 1) there are the people I so desperately want to be close to but I’m not, 2) those people who want to be close to me but I’m just not ready to be close to, 3) those I have a steady relationship with but I feel I’m not giving enough, and 4) those I feel have lives I’m intruding too much in.

The first relationship came to mind because it’s my godson’s birthday today, (Happy Birthday Kody!) and he’s turning 1. Just to give you a brief picture of our relationship, I’ve only seen him twice. And I don’t think he was old enough to store my face in his memory or to even remember my name. Heck, he doesn’t even know my name! What a wonderful godmother I am! I don’t know when he started to talk, to walk, what kind of toys he likes, if he gets along with his older sister, if he’s in Ballet Manila all the time, I don’t know who he gets along with… I don’t know anything! So sad. I wish now I knew Kody more, but I feel like if I suddenly appear in his life, everyone will wonder why I’m doing it… why it took me so long to do it anyway. Well, that’s just an example. I’d just feel guilty if Kody thinks I was horribly selfish for being absent all the time.

The other relationship stems from a really good friendship I’ve had before. We drifted apart, much to my distress, but it was fault on both of us. Well, the damage has been done and someone’s trying to make amends, I’m just not ready yet. I don’t think damage like that can be healed in such a short span of time. Given enough time, though, I don’t think it will go back to the way it was. Sorry. I know it hurts, but I’m just being realistic here. I don’t like pretending to my friends that everything’s okay… I’m just willing to try. I want to listen to their side of the story, but I’m not promising anything. I also believe in second chances, but trust isn’t something I’d break and try to put back together… it’s impossible. It takes a little understanding and a lot of hurting, but both of us are going through it. It’s not easy, but it entails a lot of letting go and moving on. Painful, I know.

I have a relationship that most people superficially feel is perfect, but deep down I know it could be better. It’s these kind of people I feel I take for granted and I desperately want to make up for it, but I can’t. I try, but we’re not moving on parallel planes. Our lives are so different, but when we get together, we always meet at some point. It’s because of this inconsistency that I feel confused about our friendship. It makes me wonder if I can run to these people when I need someone, or if they’re just there by the coincidence of us meeting. It’s a special friendship, but ironically a lacking friendship. Go figure.

Then there are those people who I hold closest to my heart but sometimes I feel I hold them too close. It’s like hugging a stuffed toy so hard that you make the stitches burst. When the stitches get ruined, the toy is destroyed… the friendship is destroyed. It’s the last thing you want to happen, but because you love them too much, you end up doing something bad. Obsession… is that the right word? Scary when you think of it like that. But you end up being so conscious about it that the other person regards you as someone who doesn’t care. When do you know if you’re too close already? When do you know if you’ve stepped over the line? Is there even a line to step over?

I think that’s what’s hard about relationships. There is no sure formula for every single one. You play it by ear and what makes it even harder is that it never materializes, it’s forever an abstract thing that you have to constantly try and understand. It’s like holding bubbles, but you’re treasure is what’s inside. It’s very delicate, you don’t even see what’s inside, but you give it the utmost regard. Complicated thing this friendship. Complicated, but essential.

don't be absent...

2004-09-05T20:11:00.000+08:00

It was my dad’s birthday yesterday so I guess it’s but timely to write about him… or I guess fathers in general…

For nearly half my life, I didn’t have a dad. I still remember in nursery, when I was tasked in school to write a Father’s day card, I was surprised to learn that everyone else had a dad. How come I didn’t? I was already about 4 then and for the first time, I felt sorry for myself. I lived for 4 years, loving all the people I could possibly love, not feeling deprived of anything, only to learn I was missing the other person who brought me into this world. Bummer.

But then I also realized that everyone else that was there for me loved me enough that I didn’t even feel like I lacked anything. I felt loved.. that’s the bottom line. My grandparents, titos, titas, cousins and especially my mom loved me with all their might and I didn’t even realize it until that moment. I stopped pitying myself and started to feel lucky. I was proud I was loved and I was happy I could love them back.

When I was 8, my dad came into my life…another person to love me and another person I could love back. I never had a father figure, so having a guy to love was something new to me. I have to admit that we don’t have the typical father-daughter relationship. I used to envy my classmates who were daddy’s girls but now I’m always thankful for my dad. Maybe we’re not as affectionate as others, but he loves me… I know he does. He supports me in everything I do. We never fight. If anything he always sides with me when we fight with my mom. Hehe! I think our relationship would have been different if I’d known him when I was little. It’s the people I loved during my childhood that are etched in my heart. Those are the people I learned my “firsts” from. That’s my only regret… that I didn’t have a dad during those important steps in my life. I’m sure I still have many new experiences I can go through with my dad now, but it’s different when you’re learning the basics. I wish I had a dad when I first learned to walk, when I said my first word, when I went to school for the first time, when I learned to ride a bike, when I learned to swim, when I had my first ballet recital… I even wish I had a dad to reprimand me when I did something wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom and she did one hell of a job raising me… but it’s different with a dad. There are some things only a mother can do, but there are some things only a dad can do.

I’d like to give a shout out to the would-be dads, dads already, and dads having second thoughts about their family: be there for your children. Watch them grow. There are some experiences that they will go through that will never happen again. Teach them everything you know.. teach them about life, teach them about love. Love them until your heart is about to burst. There will come a time when they’ll have to live their own lives so take advantage while they still cling on to you. My dad came a little late in my life, and we’re rushing to catch up on what we’ve missed… but there are some things we can’t go back to. We love each other but we still have regrets. I don’t know my dad as well as I ought to and it’s something I wish I could change. Whatever our circumstances are, he still is my dad and I do love him. For the would-be dads: you’re an essential part of your children’s lives… DON’T BE ABSENT.Ü

just between the two of us

2004-09-03T21:34:00.000+08:00

This blog is dedicated to my friend Lizbeth and her significant other, Martin... God speed to both of you…

Forbidden love is the strongest love. For those of you who can relate I’m sure would agree. I sure do. From the story of my friend Liz, I believe in it even more.

When two people are in love, sometimes they get so caught up with each other that they forget there are other people breathing beside them. Everything in the world seems so much brighter, so much happier. You find a reason to live every day. Crap. You know you really love someone when you go through obstacles and you trip and fall… the test is how gracefully you get up.

I don’t know a lot of people who have relationships strongly rooted on love alone – on a love that is founded on growing as a person and not on physical intimacy. Whenever I do, though, it gives me hope. It can happen… and I’ve witnessed it yet again.

I feel relationships are not necessarily founded on time. I don’t judge relationships based on how long they were able to stand each other’s company, but on how persistent each of them were to wait for the other… to wait until the other was ready, or to wait until everyone and everything was ready for them. It’s logical to think that people in a relationship aren’t the ones that are tearing themselves apart, it’s other people, other factors. The most painful thing is when a nobody power trips and causes both of you to split apart. Those are the people who pry on other people’s relationships because they have not been in the position. They fail to understand because they don’t seek to understand. They close their minds on possibilites that could save a REAL relationship. They undermine the resilience of the human heart. Screw them.

But that’s just it. It’s a relationship. Two people loving each other with all their hearts and all their souls. TWO. Just two. Not 3 or 4. No one else dictates what happens in a relationship except the two people involved. So if it’s real love, it will stand the test. Those hearts will find each other again and again. Believe it or not, love like this still exists. It’s with people like this that you’re not surprised to see end up in the altar. These are the people that deserve each other.

You can find your soulmate in a few seconds, but knowing the person is your soulmate can take a lifetime. I know these two belong together. I understand them. My friends understand them. Let’s just hope others will.

2004-08-31T10:12:00.000+08:00

My partner jeff and I during the recital last summer.

i just needed closure

2004-08-31T10:01:00.000+08:00

After 2 months, my bestfriend managed to convince me to take a ballet class. I don’t know how she did it, but she did. Anway, this sore feeling I have all over my body is a constant reminder of what I did so I’ve decided to write about this whole ballet thing.

I bet most people would find it hard to believe that I’m not dancing anymore. For the longest time, it’s always been NICOLE=BALLET. Well, believe it or not, I’m not dancing anymore. I guess this deserves a good explanation.

To make things clear: I don’t hate ballet. I never did and I never will. I just don’t want to dance anymore. I think it’s true of any art when you say you need to have the passion to actually pursue it. I don’t have the passion anymore. I used to be able to give everything up just to dance, but now I can’t. Maybe it’s because I’m in college now, and I’m closer to that stage when I have to earn my own living. I actually have to know what I want in life… to be a dancer isn’t one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret I danced for 14 years of my life. Ballet has taught me so much and I do believe that I would not be the Nicole everyone knows today if it weren’t for it (drama). I thought it would be a passing stage and like all phases I’ve gone through, I thought it would pass and I’d miss ballet.. but I don’t. My body doesn’t look for it. I don’t miss performing. So many people have been telling me to go back. I don’t see anything wrong with me taking class. It’s not a sin to do it, but I personally feel that if I get into something, I actually have to commit to it. I don’t want to start taking class just whenever I feel like it. If I start, I want to commit. Thing is, I can’t.

I don’t know why people keep forcing me to dance. What will they get out of it? I think they want me to dance for them, not for me. If I regret it when I’m older, I’ll regret it! It won’t make me any less of a person. I’m perfectly content with how things are. I don’t feel deprived of anything. I’m as happy (or even happier) than I ever was. I don’t want things to change.

I think people got the wrong impression when I danced in the recital last summer. I didn’t do that because I wanted to dance again. I did it because I needed closure. I’ve been dancing for more than a decade. When I resigned from BM, I felt like I ended without accomplishing anything. After the recital, I can say I have. That’s why I don’t have regrets. I want people to remember me for my last performance. I don’t want to change that. I hope people will learn to understand. Don’t be afraid that I’ll regret it, because if ever I do, I’m more happy than sad.

uplifting the poor

2004-08-30T13:25:00.000+08:00

I heard mass in St. James yesterday. That’s supposedly my parish but my family and I rarely go there because it’s actually really far from our house. Anyway, it was the oath taking of Monsignor Ernie yesterday. Actually, it was a little awkward for me going into the Church because when I put my hand into the Holy Water, I realized more than a dozen priests were staring at me, including Bishop Jesse Mercado. Anyway, let’s cut to the chase…

I’m writing this blog to react on what Msgr. Ernie said during his homily. He said something about being so proud that St. James the Greater Parish is “The Church of the Poor”. GIVE ME A BREAK. Look at our church! You can barely look straight at the altar without squinting because it’s gleaming with gold. It’s already as grandiose as can be, with our extraordinary altars, ostentatious architecture, state-of-the-art technology, lighting and sound system and now they’ve even added air-conditioning. Okay fine. He also said something about us reaching out more to the poor. We shouldn’t be content with merely subsidizing them, but we should learn to put ourselves in their shoes. We should feel their pain. We should suffer like them. It gave me the impression that we should lower ourselves to where they are.

I was just wondering… shouldn’t we be UPLIFTING them? I honestly don’t think we should lower ourselves to them and (for lack of a better term) envy them for their simplicity, or whatever it is that Monsignor was trying to imply. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t intend to make every impoverished person aspire to be like me, or be in a certain status in community, but I know my role is to help them get up, to help them get passed that threshold towards a better life. Honestly, I thought the gospel meant “poor” as being spiritually poor, but yesterday it seemed like it was taken literally as being materially poor. I was taught otherwise during my religion classes in high school. So anyway, although I do disagree with the homily, I’ve still learned something. We should uplift the impoverished and not lower ourselves to them and wallow in their misery. It doesn’t mean we should dictate to them what they should and should not be, but we should help them realize that there’s something better in life. Not necessarily what we have, but simply that they can have something better.

I like Monsignor Ernie. He’s a funny man who has a good heart. I think he’s just trying too hard and he expressed himself wrongly yesterday, but I’m sure he will bring good things to our parish. It’s too early to judge him so all I can do now is welcome him and expect great things. After all, it was God’s decision for him to be with us.

2004-08-29T07:14:00.000+08:00

The Academy One Chicks. I miss you guys!

2004-08-29T07:08:00.000+08:00

Kiel and I during our senior prom. We got bored.